"It's not hot!"

This is Steve bundled up like a burrito. Every night as we climb into bed and go to sleep, I fuss about how hot it is. Meanwhile Steve is bundled up under all the covers and responds every night with, "it's not hot!" Obviously this is now one area where we are not in unity. :) But that is only because I have my own personal heater kind of like having my own personal pan pizza. It's a heater just for me and what is so ironic is that I'm such a cold natured person that I'm the girl who always has a cardigan with her in the summer time. Not anymore!

In less than a week I will be holding my precious little one. Who knows? He could come tomorrow but we know for sure that it won't be any later than Friday because I will be induced that morning. My little one is measuring 8 lbs and 6 oz on the ultrasound they did last Wednesday. Whew! It must have been all those doughnuts. :) Oh well - there isn't too much I can do about it. My doctor is starting a balloon cath on Thursday afternoon to get my cervix to dilate in hopes that we don't have to do a C section. We are praying that my cervix will go ahead and dilate more before then. But no matter what, there will be this tiny little bundle in my arms that I have waited for so long to hold. His nursery is ready for him and it looks really cute now that we have added a few other touches. He has tons of adorable clothes and accessories including a car seat cover that is called "Ritzy Baby" from his Aunt Julie. Now we just need him to put in it.

This has been a long process this pregnancy. I honestly don't understand how that Michelle Duggar lady has been able to do this 18 times or maybe it's 19 now. Good grief - I can't keep up with how many kids she keeps having. And while Samuel has been worth every bit of it - this pregnancy has not been for the faint of heart. I don't think I was prepared for how hard it was going to be and I'm pretty sure Steve wasn't prepared for how much he was going to hear about how hard it is. :) But my sweet hubby has been a grand trouper through it all catering to just about every whim I have had. I only remember him saying no to me one time during this pregnancy when I thought I had to have a Quizno's or I was just going to die and instead he made me a glass of chocolate milk and an egg and cheese sandwich. He had enough of my constant cravings that day.

But our bags are packed, Samuel's nursery is organized and Blueberry is anxiously awaiting the arrival of his baby brother. I just saw Steve in Samuel's room playing the guitar and singing worship songs to the Lord. It gave me the sweetest feeling and I just love knowing that his Daddy and his "Abba" (God the Father) are preparing a place for him together.

The grass isn't always greener.

It's amazing how God can reveal some of life's lessons in the simplest forms to us. For example, one of our favorite restaurants, Surin of Thailand in Crestline has started serving whole bowls of their yummy coconut soup instead of the usual cups that come with their lunch entrees. You know that wonderful, delicious just spicy enough soup that I'm talking about. And for years that was my favorite part of the meal. I would tell the server, just go ahead and bring me my soup before I order so I can just take longer to savor every last drop of it. And of course by the time you finish the cup, there is always the comment of, "I could eat 4 more cups of that stuff." It's addictive. But by the time you are finished and before you seriously give thought to ordering another cup, your piping hot entree arrives and you abandon the feeling of ecstasy that you had when your soup first arrived and you move onto your Thai Noodle. But now we find ourselves in a very awkward and strange predicament. Because what we had hoped for all this time, more soup, has actually now come true and the cup itself has turned into a huge bowl but with less tofu and less mushrooms, and now it's just mostly broth. And the sheer excitement that ensued when it was first issued to us has now died down as we realize that we don't really want that much soup and we don't even finish the entire bowl when once we thought it would be an easy feat. And so now we realize that the thing that we always wanted is not what we really want. We want our small cup back. And really isn't it always that way in life? So many times the things that I thought I wanted, the dreams and visions for my future were not only not God's best for me, but sometimes the package they arrived in was a huge disappointment. It's all about expectations now and keeping an open mind. People keep asking me are you going to have a natural birth or get the epidural? Are you planning for a c section? And my resounding statement is always, "I'm keeping an open mind." I'm not going to set myself up to expect this labor and delivery process to go a certain way and then only to be disappointed by my own unrealistic expectations. But this doesn't only apply to labor and delivery but to everything else in life remembering that God is our true provider, our Jehovah Jireh. The Lord gently reminds me of this when I start to place too much emphasis on Steve meeting my needs and not the Lord. The Lord has been showing me over and over again that if I need something to come to Him. Steve may be the vehicle or vessel that he funnels his provision through but ultimately, it comes from the hand of God. Every good and perfect gift comes from heaven above (James 1:17). And so if I need some new make up or I'm out of my favorite cleanser, then I go to God with it. Yes, I let Steve know but he just replies, you need to believe God for it, and so I do. In fact two of the things that I was believing God for this month, a breast pump and new skincare, he has answered. That is just how faithful our God is. He cares about me having my skincare products and provides a way for me to get them. Let's not put Him in a box. He is bigger and better than we can earthly imagine and he has plans to prosper us in ways that we can't even fathom if only we will believe him for it. But if we have no faith, we are like a wave of the sea being tossed about back and forth in the wind (James 1:6). So ask God. What is it that you need or simply you want? If your earthly father who loves you is willing to give you good gifts and take care of you, how much more is your heavenly father willing to do this (Matthew 7:11).

Waiting

This song has been in my spirit today as I wait on Samuel to come. I'm 37 weeks now and very uncomfortable and very large - I can't believe what my digital scale is telling me each day. But this song encouraged me so I thought I would share it.

"While I'm Waiting" By John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Pretzel M&Ms - are amazing!

I'm not going to lie and try to cover up the fact that I play favorites. It's probably a well known fact among my friends that I am more attached to one of their children than the other. I don't know why this is and I don't try to intentionally do it. I love all my friends' kids but there are some that I just become obsessed with (not in a weird way) but in a I can't stop looking at how cute they are way. I certainly hope this does not carry over into parenthood for me though. We are planning to have more than one child and I would never want any of my children to ever feel slighted even for a second. I mean I even worry about Blueberry if he will get enough attention after Samuel gets here. I asked Steve to make sure that he continues to love on Blueberry even when Samuel comes because I feel sorry for him. I already don't dote on him the way I used to because mostly I'm preoccupied with my big belly and he is so darn heavy these days (21 lbs and counting) to pick up that I just don't fool with it.

A dear friend of mine gave me the cutest little lovey that is a hippo with Samuel's name monogrammed on it. When I showed it to Steve, he thought it was cute, but he didn't really get it. He wanted to know what a lovey was. Well, I said, it's Samuel's little lovey that he will carry around with him and hold sort of like a little security blanket. The next morning Steve walked into the room, holding Blueberry in his arms like a baby and announced that Blueberry was his lovey. That was the day I knew that he was going to be a great Daddy. It may sound silly to you but it meant something to me and it just sparked this instinct in me that honed in on how sensitive and gentle Steve was going to be with our little Samuel. But I also know that he is going to be a great leader in our home for Samuel teaching him integrity, honesty and hard work. One thing that I really admire about Steve is his integrity. If a coupon is expired, he doesn't try to pass it off to the cashier at Publix like nothing is wrong. He holds himself to higher standards and really what that means is that he has the fear of the Lord. The cashier probably doesn't care and Publix probably isn't that strict about expired coupons but the Lord sees our every move and judges the intent of the heart. I'm so thankful for this partner in life that sets a daily example of Godly leadership in our home. I'm so proud of who he has become since the day we met and I will never forget that after the Lord told me that Steve was to be my husband that the second thing he said to me was that Steve had a quiet and gentle spirit. Of course he followed it up with a little rebuke to me by saying much like the one you should have. Ouch. But the Lord was right and I have tried to become a much more softer, gentler, hold my tongue kind of person. But those of you who know me, know that can be a challenge as well. God knew what he was doing when he matched Steve and I up. Two polar opposites as personality go but perfect for the refining work that we will do for the Kingdom. Steve is my rock. He is a steady constant in my life especially when my pregnancy hormones have me all over the place. He is so faithful and in him, I see our Father. I see our marriage as that picture of Christ and his church, the way he meant it to be. Steve loves me like the church and I honor and submit to him. Do we get it perfect every time? No. But we have an ebb and flow much like the tides of the sea and we work together in unison. Recently, both of our cars broke down in the same week with almost identical problems. My Daddy was really scratching his head on this one and said it was just unbelievable that it would happen to us both in the same week. I just laughed about it and thought, well it's because we are in unity. :) Thinking about it that way sure took a lot of the pain out of the hefty check we had to write for all the repairs. But seriously I am so thankful for our unity. It just makes life easier. We are on the same page about money, church, family, children just about everything. And while we have disagreements from time to time, they are getting fewer and fewer. I can't remember the last time we disagreed or even argued about something.

I didn't intend for this post to be dedicated to Steve but obviously that is where the Holy Spirit was leading me as I wrote this. It's a little late for Father's Day and a little early for his Birthday but I just want to say to you Steve, that you are my rock. You are faithful to me just like the Lord is, and I'm so thankful that you are the one God chose for me to journey with. I'm not sure what all is ahead of us, but I'm thankful for my steady man that is holding my hand as we experience it together.

"Move It On Over"

"Move over little dog cause the big dogs moving in." From one of my favorite old Hank Williams Sr. songs that my father used to make me listen to over and over again on road trips. That's what I want to say to Blueberry every time I find him sitting in my new chair which is quite often these days. It's supposed to be for me, but he thinks it was ordered for him and thinks it is the perfect place to rest and nap the day away. I don't know who is lazier lately, me or him.

Recently returned from my doctor's appointment where we found out that I'm not dilated not even a hair. So it doesn't sound like Samuel will be coming anytime soon and I guess that means it gives me more time to work on his nursery. And as nice as that is, I'm just so anxious to meet him it is hard to have patience and wait it out in this last month. So I'm praying that the Lord will give me the extra dose of it while I endure the wet stickiness of being pregnant in July. Happy 4th to me! LOL.

Over the past few days, I just keep hearing more in my spirit about fulfilling our calling. The calling that each of us has on our lives from the Lord. The Bible says that even before we were formed in our mother's womb, that the Lord knew us and shaped us and predestined us for a great purpose. That is each one of us. It is so important to connect with whatever calling God has given Steve and I for our lives. I've been praying for clarity, discernment, a clear word, let your yes be yes and your no be no and every other christian adage that I can come up with in my prayers to let God know that I'm serious about hearing from him on this. But Hebrews 4:12 says the word of God is a discerner of our hearts and thoughts and since He is the Word then He already knows before I ask him.

I have been so inspired over the past few days from reading the autobiography of Reinhard Bonnke, a famous evangelist in Africa known for raising people from the dead, seeing thousands be healed and for preaching the gospel to millions by now. He will be speaking the first night of the Feast of Tabernacles in Ein Gedi in Israel, which is the very event that I worked on while there. I wish I could go hear him in person. What an inspiration he is because at age 10, he heard his calling from God telling him he would preach in Africa. He knew it was a true word from the Lord and he clung to it even when opposition came from his church, his friends, his parents and family. Even his father who was a Pentecostal preacher doubted that he had truly heard the voice of God. But Reinhard was faithful to God's voice, vision and calling for his life and didn't give up till he saw it being fulfilled with him leading evangelistic crusades in the middle of the African plains where more than 360,000 people attended at one time. It takes great courage to heed the call on your life. Many people won't understand, they will question or doubt, and most will try to discourage you from pursuing it. It takes great courage to stand with a deaf ear to those voices and stay focused on the one inside leading and directing you. I love the verse in Galatians 1:10 where Paul says, obviously I'm not trying to win the approval of men or to please man. If pleasing others was my goal then I wouldn't be a servant of Christ. Everyone has their own ideas about what you should do, where you should go or who you should be. But ultimately there is only one voice that counts and that is the one that is heard in the wilderness. In the quiet of the night, barely above a whisper, not intruding but lightly knocking on the door of your heart whispering his plans for you. Listen to that one - it will never lead you astray!