A Christmas Blessing

There's a running joke amongst my friends about how much I have changed in the past few years. I like to tell people that I used to shop at Saks and eat at Bottega's and now I shop at Kohls and eat at Moe's. :) As a stay-at-home mom my lifestyle has changed dramatically. There won't be a lot of fancy gifts or expensive dinners or even visions of smocked outfits with reindeers this Christmas. But that is okay. There was a time when I was able to give out expensive gifts but this is a different season I am in. My dear Mother-in-law recently gave me a "Mother's journal" that records all my favorite memories, vacations, foods, experiences and so forth. But one of the entries had me stumped for a while. It wanted me to list my favorite bible verse. What kind of a question is that?! How do you pick just one when really there is a lot of good stuff in the Bible. But I told Steve the other day that I think I finally figured it out. It's the verse in Esther 4:14, "for such a time as this." And while Taylor Innes (who lived with me in Jerusalem) and I used to have a joke about this verse, I really believe that it holds true for me. This season is for such a time as this. I will only be at home with my doodlebug for such a time as this and I only have a few of those moments left. So I better treasure them while I can. And while the gifts may be simple this year  bought with free gift cards that Kohls sends me in the mail :), while there may not be fancy dinners or holiday outfits and lots of Christmas decorations on display at our house, there will be a huge celebration on the inside - in my heart. As a mother of a precious son, the sacrifice that our Lord gave with his only son Jesus touches my heart in a way that I never knew existed. To think of Mary as she watched her first born son crucified on the cross - I couldn't bear it. Samuel is my first born too and he IS my only begotten son. So this Christmas I am thankful that the price was already paid and that the sacrifice was already given, and it won't be my Samuel paying that debt. I now know what true love is.

Give Thanks

As Thanksgiving is upon us I have been reminded lately how blessed I am. As my little one wakes at 4 and 5 a.m. the past few mornings and my exhausted body somehow manages to get up and feed him, change him and put him back to bed, I am tempted to silently complain about my lack of sleep and frustration that Samuel is still not quite sleeping through the night. But as I sit there with him hungrily nursing away at 4 a.m., instead of being grouchy about it, I've just been thankful. Thankful that he is here safe in my arms and not missing. Thankful that he is a very healthy little boy and not diabetic or on dialysis or with cancer. Thankful that God chose me to be mother to this sweet doodlebug with the most beautiful smile you have ever seen. So in several moments over the past few days I have been reminded of Thanksgiving and what the day truly means. Recognizing that it isn't about Black Friday or all the good deals to be had but that it's about the simple things in life that matter. Family, God's provision for us and our faith. What are you thankful for this holiday?

Balance

Samuel, just being cute.

I was super encouraged last week at my small group regarding balance. Every Wednesday, I get the treat of leaving my baby at home with his Daddy and attending Cindy Acton's Moms' mentoring small group. I can't tell you how encouraging and much needed this group is in my life as a new mother. One thing that I asked the girls about last week was how do I achieve balance in my life between being a mother, wife, housekeeper, cook, laundress.... you get the picture. And these girls really gave me some great advice. Most said that I'm going to have to let some things go at home and become okay with that. And really Steve has said that as long as the baby is still alive and fed when he gets home from work then that is all that matters to him. Well that isn't all that matters to me. I thrive in a clean, organized environment. I don't like messes and I can even handle if things aren't that clean as long as they are neat and organized. But here lately our place looks like it has been hit by a tornado and I just can't handle that. So the ladies in my group suggested that I do one load of laundry every morning and do one cleaning item that day like either ironing, dusting, cleaning the toilets and so on. So I made a schedule on my Apple iCal for cleaning (it's color coded pink :) ) and have been using this method since last Thursday and I can't tell you how much better I feel about our place and myself. I have actually gotten more done in the past week than in a long time. Because I let go of that endless to do list that just looked so overwhelming and just kept it simple with one task a day. Pastor Chris preached on chaos and being frantic this morning, and that sermon rang true in my spirit. Just by having my new found plan, I have found more rest each day. P.C. stated that rest is a state of mind and that is so true for me now. While I'm more active than I have been in a long time (I was a couch potato during my pregnancy) I feel that I have accomplished my goals each day and feel good about our place and my role as housekeeper and stay at home mom. And that my friends equals more peace in our household, which is a very good thing. :)

What is your God assignment?

my beautiful mentor, Julie and my precious doodlebug

Just finished a wonderful weekend at Church of the Highland's for the annual Women's Retreat, ReCreate. Holly Wagner spoke and Shane & Shane led us in some awesome worship. But Holly's theme of encouraging us to find and stick with our God assignment surely has me thinking. Where am I in life and what has God placed in my path? Obviously my assignment right now is to be wife and mother and that truly does fill up my days. And though I thought it was what I always wanted in life, I realize that it isn't enough. God created me personally for more than that. It's not that I'm discontent with my life, on the contrary. It's just that I know the Lord meant me for ministry. And at this time in my life, when my thoughts and days are so consumed with caring for a little one, I have to wonder, where and how can I minister to others in the midst of this. Which honestly is why I started this blog. I'm not much of a scrapbooker which is why you probably won't always see updates on my baby. Not that he isn't worthy of them but really this blog is more of an outlet for me. It's a way for me to communicate a word from the Lord and hope that it inspires or encourages my few followers on this blog. And that honestly is my "God assignment". Not the blog itself, but the act of inspiring and sharing with others a word from the Lord or my experiences. As I was at the conference praying and thinking about how I could live this out in a more substantial way the Lord answered me. A friend at the conference asked me to mentor her on a weekly basis pouring into her what my precious mentor, Julie Collier, has poured into me for the past four years or so. And really that is exactly what my heart was desiring. Someone who wanted to hear what the Lord had taught me over the years about life, marriage, motherhood (that's a new one for me) and ministry. And it was just a reminder to me of something my friend, Michelle Allen said to me at the conference. "God knows the desires of your heart Laura Gail," she said. It sounds so simple but really it is profound. Because when you stop and consider your life at times, you see how he has answered those desires in miraculous and marvelous ways. My question to you is, what is your "God assignment"? It could be for a season or what you knew you were created to do and be. Consider what God is calling you to do and do it. Don't be scared. He equips those he calls and will always enable you to conquer what ever mountain stands in your way.

Strength

Lately I have been meditating on strength. In yesterday's one year bible reading the Proverb was, "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." As a new mother there have been some days of adversity. To be honest there have been days when I thought surely God picked the wrong person to be mother to Samuel. Days where I thought I wasn't going to make it because of sleep deprivation or days when the crying seemed to be ear piercing and my son was challenging me to a cry-off competition which I would surely win. But no matter the tears on my part, the bad attitude or the complaining of lost sleep, the days end and start all over again. And what have I gained by feeling hopeless during those moments: nothing. And so I am reminded this week several times, that I have a lot more strength than even I realize. Ruthie Simmons spoke at our Moms' mentoring group this week and spoke on strength. She reminded me that I was created to be Samuel's mother for such a time as this. This is no surprise to God that I'm a mother. And even my sweet husband whom God consistently uses to refine me, reminded me that I can do this. On the days when I doubt myself and my abilities, I pray that I remember as a Proverbs 31 woman, strength and honor are my clothing. To my fellow mommies, I pray that you remember that too.

time

Samuel's first trip to the Zoo

It's amazing how my day is divided up into chunks of time now. Every three hours I feed my baby, burp my baby, keep my baby awake for just a little while and then try to get my baby to nap until I feed my baby, burp my baby.... and well you get the picture. Then it's a race against time to eat a meal, put a load of laundry in, fold the laundry and return emails and calls while he is sleeping and swinging. And let's be honest, we all know that I haven't mastered it yet because there are plenty of people I have yet to call back these days. Life as I knew it, has changed. But it has changed for the better as I now possess a sweet little doodlebug named Samuel. This little doodlebug smiles at me now and it just melts my heart. And even though it feels like I just had a baby, I don't feel like he is a baby anymore because he is growing so fast and I find myself looking longingly at newborns and wishing to have another baby. Am I crazy or what?! I think my hormones are still re-settling because after the labor experience I had, I need to wait at least a year before I think about getting pregnant again. And even then I don't really want to be pregnant again (because we all know how I difficult I was to deal with), I just want a little baby brother to appear out of thin air for Samuel. Oh if only it was that easy. But Steve and I have promised next go around it will all be easier. I will definitely not make so many trips to Dunkin Donuts and to the Publix Bakery because this last 30 pounds has not been easy to get off. But it's amazing how much more productive I am now that I don't have cankles and have healed relatively well from my surgery.

In case you are wondering about how Samuel is doing, well... he loves milk! We are convinced that is all he dreams about. Because when he is hungry, he attacks his bottle or my breast like a bear tearing a piece of meat. He does this side to side bob thing with his head and then aggressively latches onto whatever nipple he can find at the present time. It's actually kind of funny to watch unless you are the one that he is so aggressively latching onto - then it's pretty painful. But he is sleeping pretty well. It's a little inconsistent and we are really hoping to get him sleeping through the night on a more regular basis. We have had several nights where he did, so all the indicators are there that he can be a good sleeper. But there are also nights where he wakes up twice in the middle of the night and we can't figure out what we did differently for that to happen. So last night we gave him a real good pep talk on sleeping till at least 6:30 a.m. or later and this morning he woke up at 7 a.m. So our words do have power. :)

Samuel is extremely long, like his daddy, and is growing quickly out of his footed pajamas and long daygowns. Our bubbles fit great because it doesn't matter how long his legs get to wear those. He is smiling a lot now which is super cute and thankfully he doesn't scream anymore when we change his diaper. A lot of times when I'm changing him on the changing table he just looks up at me and smiles. I keep trying to teach him to say milk but it may be a while before all that clicks. He loves his swing and takes most naps in it because he refuses to sleep in his bed during the day which I'm working on but you have to pick your battles. A screaming child all day or a few peaceful moments here and there so you don't go insane. You would do the same believe me. :) Blueberry seems pretty unattached right now to Samuel. He pretty much just ignores him and does his own thing and I can't remember the last time I even paid attention to Blueberry poor thing. I'm just so focused on the baby and getting things done around here that I just don't have the energy to hold another big baby. And this one weights 20 pounds too where as my other one only weighs around 11 lbs and 3 oz.

I'm happy to announce that I'm actually cooking again, menu planning and couponing. We were so tired of eating out but until I was feeling better it was just easier to grab something. But this time around I'm learning how to cook very simple meals because there isn't time or energy for the complicated and elaborate recipes that I used to make. And honestly, this way it's probably healthier and cheaper since I'm not using as many ingredients. The other night I baked Lemon Pepper Chicken with some bone in chicken breasts that were in my freezer and some Lawry's Lemon Pepper seasoning and it was delicious. It doesn't get any simpler than throwing some seasoning on chicken and then putting it in the oven. We had some yummy brown rice and fresh green beans from Publix (they have been really good and cheap lately) that I sprinkled some Parmesan on and it was a yummy meal. Probably my favorite one that I have made lately.

Anyway, this chunk of time is about to expire so Au Revoir until next time - whenever that is. :)

Baby, Baby, Baby

The fact that I'm even writing this instead of sleeping should show you all what a dedicated blogger I am. Ha! I'm finally in my own bed with my own sheets and my own things. But I can tell you this much, we are already missing that around the clock nursing care that we got at Brookwood Hospital. I was totally not prepared for the amazing care we would receive there. These women were like second mothers to me and one even told me that I had not had enough rest and that she was making me take a nap and sticking a "no visitors" sign on my door. And she was right, a nap was exactly what I needed.

Needless to say this whole labor and delivery process did not go anywhere close to the way I thought it would. For one, I actually went into labor on my own on the same day they were going to insert a balloon catheter to dilate my cervix. Steve and I think that I really started labor at church on Wednesday night because all night long I was having contractions and they weren't letting up. On Thursday morning we started timing them and they were about 12 minutes apart. But then they transitioned to 3 minutes apart and I knew this was really going to happen. We were scheduled to arrive at the hospital on Thursday for my planned procedure at 4pm but found ourselves in labor and delivery at about 2pm and in much pain. As they admitted me and started all the regular procedures the pain became increasingly intense so I begged the nurse to give me something. At one centimeter dilated, a epidural wasn't an option but pain killer called Nubain was. And thus the most glorious few moments began pain free and I laid there in my nonsense bliss. I called several friends and wasn't making any sense so finally Steve took my phone away from me. One of my funnier moments was when I became convinced that a hospital worker was trying to scam us by upcharging us for a suite when they don't offer suites only just private rooms. My parents and Steve and I'm sure my nurse were well entertained by antics until the Nubain wore off. And I found myself in worse pain with contratctions only a minute apart but still not dilated beyond 1 centimeter. They gave me a second dose but it didn't do anything. And thus I found myself in natural labor. Let me just go on record and say that I think anyone who goes through that voluntarily is crazy. I couldn't say it before having never actually experienced it and there was a time when I was open to doing it, but I was literally climbing the walls during labor. I was screaming so loud that they could hear me down at the nurses station and could hear every word coming out of my mouth (which was quite embarassing and I'm sure not christian like at all). The problem was that I wasn't dilating so they couldn't give me the epidural. I'm not sure at what point they caved on this or it was probably my nurse who was about to quit on the spot but finally around 9pm they gave me the epidural and started pitocin to speed up the process. I have to say that I had been so scared of the epidural but it was nothing. The only hard part was that I was going through contractions while they were doing it and I had to stay still so my sweet young nurse just held me tight and I sobbed into her shoulder. Also, I was worried about the IV too and that was nothing as well. God really blessed me in taking care of those things for me.

Around 6 in the morning, I had dilated to 6 centimeters but had stayed there for several hours and not made any progress. On top of that, my cervix was swollen and they had discovered that I had some sort of an infection. I also had a high temperature, high blood pressure at that point and then the nurse discovered that Samuel had a bowel movement while in utero. This is dangerous because there is a high possibility that the baby can swallow the meconium and of course that isn't good. The doctor on call said that she was giving me 30 minutes to dilate more by speeding up the pitocin. After 30 more minutes, there was no change in my condition and in 5 minutes they were wisking me away for a C-section. This was incredibly emotional for me for one because I obviously wanted a vaginal delivery but on top of this they had called the NICU department in because they obviously were worried about my baby. I have to say the surgery was very quick and not nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be. I was in and out of there in 30 minutes. But unfortunately my baby went straight to NICU and I only saw him right after surgery and then again at 8 pm that night. I had planned this whole bonding time to happen with my baby right when he came out of the womb but that didn't happen. But Samuel ended up being perfectly healthy weighing in at 8lbs and 5oz. We were at the hospital for about 6 days so we were really ready to come home. Samuel is really the sweetest, cutest thing we have seen. And Steve has been amazing with him and me and I don't know how I would have made it through this without him.

We are now on our third week with our precious doodlebug. We are convinced that he is the cutest baby boy we have ever seen but I guess every parent says that about their child. While I have had some complications with my recovery in addition to taking care of a newborn, I have been blessed with so much help from family and friends. The meals that we have received have blessed us beyond belief and the time and care that family members have offered us has made all the difference in the world.

Many of you have read the prophecy that we received two months before I became pregnant with Samuel but in case you haven't, here is the word we received from traveling minister, Prophet Max Navarro from Huntsville:

"The Lord is saying the spirit of the Lord has been moving upon your lives and this is the season to rejoice even more so and watch the spirit of God bring total change and it’s going to be good change into your home.

The Lord has told me to tell you this is also a time where you will see increase rise up in your home. The Lord says many people talk about addition. But there is a multiplication that will take place in your life. Do you guys have any children? Have you been trying to have a child? How long have you been married? A year and a half.

There is a reason why I ask that question. I’m very careful when I deal with babies and marriages.

First of all, because when I was praying and saw the multiplication, I saw a child coming into your lives. Now don’t worry about the economics of the system. Why? Because this child is first God’s and he will take care of his child. And it will be his child before it is yours. And when this child is released to you upon this earth then the Lord will make means for this child.

I see God making provision for this child and I see him meeting the needs for this child. This child is not going to be lacking. You will see supernatural things take place for this child. The Lord has told me to tell you that even He has heard your heart even when you ask God for timing. The Lord says my time is now – what is your time? The Lord says right now is a time when miracles will flow. The Lord says watch and see. It’s not going to be a burden but this child is going to be a joy. The Lord says, he will bring much joy into your lives like never before.

It’s almost like having a new experience every day when you look into the child’s face. You are going to have an experience basically that you will never be able to have when you look at this child – you will see God. You will see the working hand of God in this child.

The Lord has told me to tell you, this is a time and season as you draw near to God, both of you; the spirit of the Lord is going to bring peace into this area.

Most people are never ever going to feel this way. But you are never totally 100% ready for a child. They just come. Why? Because they are ordained from heaven. As the child comes forth – guess what happens? We have the joy to raise this child and bring it forth. The Lord has told me to tell you really sometimes we think this child will nail us down. This child is nothing that will nail you down. It’s going to get you off the floor. But that has been something in your heart but the Lord has told me to tell you to get ready, even your husband, you will have two kids (meaning the child and your husband). You will look at your child and then you will look at your husband. When raising the child, your husband will be able to deal with the child at every level. Not every parent can really do this but there is so much of a child like heart in your husband. That God is going to use your husband in that way.

Don’t worry economically – God has ordained of this in your lives. Watch and see it’s going to be good, it’s going to be fine and it’s going to be great. It’s going to be a blessing more than anything else."